It's not often that I use this word when talking about diabetes. From the moment Samuel was diagnosed in March '09 I have considered ourselves lucky. His diagnosis wasn't stressful or traumatic, he never had a chance to get 'sick' as we already knew what we were dealing with. Ive always thought that if Samuel 'had' to have something wrong then this was ok, it could have been far worse. For the last three we have plodded along with no real dramas, and even when I couldn't wake him from his hypo last week I was still ok, or so I thought.
It turns that what I should have done was give Samuel the glucagon injection when I couldn't wake him. This didn't even enter my head, I can't even say that it was because I was panicking because I wasn't. If anything I was cross, I was cross because for the first time Samuel hadn't responded how he always had before. I'd like to say that I would have used it if I hadn't managed to eventually get him to drink, but I can't be sure.
For the first time I am questioning myself and my confidence has gone. I feel completely rubbish!!
What didn't help was that the blue candles flashed up on fb this week indicating that someone has lost their fight with type 1 diabetes, this time a teenager.
I have spoken to many people about the situation that I find myself in. Becky ( SDN ) has been very reassuring. She said that at no point when I was explaining the hypo to her did she think that I had put Samuel in danger, and that if she thought I needed traing in anything she would tell me and call me in for some. Friends of mine can't see why I have got myself into such a state. Samuel is ok.
The problem is me, it's in my head and I can't shift it.
I am a control freak. I like to be in control of everything.
I can't control this.
I need things to be perfect, I need perfect numbers.
I can't get perfect numbers.
I need people to believe that I am strong enough to deal with anything.
I have never grieved for my healthy child when Samuel was diagnosed because I didn't see why anyone would.
Diabetes has never 'got' to me the way it has this week because I have never allowed it to. It has never made me cry until now.
Maybe it's time to hold my hands up and admit that "this CWD mumis struggling".
Saturday 29 September 2012
Saturday 22 September 2012
He wouldn't wake up!!
It's been over three years since Samuel was diagnosed, and two years since I started writing this blog. In this time most things I have written about have been quite light hearted and not too depressing. Sure, I have had my moments but as a rule I think I'm quite upbeat with my posts. Be warned, this one is not so cheerful, and could have been a whole lot worse!!
I always test Samuels blood before I go to bed, I admit I don't always test throughout the night, but this post is not about night testing. The way in which Samuel reacts to his hypos is a bit hit and miss, for example sometimes he will say he feels unwell and he is not low, other times he is running around like a loon and he will be under 3, and mostly his hypos wake him if he is asleep. If I have ever had to wake him to treat a hypo he has always been responsive, he may not be completely awake but will always be cooperative and drink his drink. That is up till now. Monday night was a completely different ball game.
I tested before I went to bed and his level was 2.7, this is not the lowest he has ever been but obviously it is quite low. I tried to wake him before I went to get his drink, I do this so he has a chance to wake up a little bit before I try and make him drink. He wasn't playing ball, he would answer me and was completely out of it. I went down the stairs to get his drink and decided that I would need a straw as there was no way he was going to be able to drink out of a cup. I got his juice and went back upstairs and again tried to wake him. I shook him a couple of times, I called his name getting louder with each time. I got no response, I grabbed his wrists to pull him to sitting, and again called him and told him that his sugar was low and he needed to drink. This time he did try and answer me but was flinging his arms around trying to push me away. I managed to get him on my lap and put my arm around him to stop him fighting me but every time I tried to get him to drink he turned his head away and was telling me no!!
I eventually managed to get the drink down him and I laid him back down. I rechecked 15 mins later, his levels were rising but it was not a number that I was happy with so I checked again after another 15mins.
Looking back I should have treated him with the gel as he wasn't really responsive enough to take the drink, and this would have been classed as a moderate to severe hypo, but as he had been that low before I didn't see it has one. What it has shown me is no two hypos are the same, and cant be distinguished by a number. I remember asking at diagnosis 'what number is classed as a severe hypo?' and being told that they are different for everyone.
What this has also shown me is that it is so important for me to test before I go to bed. I dread to think what would have happened if I hadn't.
I always test Samuels blood before I go to bed, I admit I don't always test throughout the night, but this post is not about night testing. The way in which Samuel reacts to his hypos is a bit hit and miss, for example sometimes he will say he feels unwell and he is not low, other times he is running around like a loon and he will be under 3, and mostly his hypos wake him if he is asleep. If I have ever had to wake him to treat a hypo he has always been responsive, he may not be completely awake but will always be cooperative and drink his drink. That is up till now. Monday night was a completely different ball game.
I tested before I went to bed and his level was 2.7, this is not the lowest he has ever been but obviously it is quite low. I tried to wake him before I went to get his drink, I do this so he has a chance to wake up a little bit before I try and make him drink. He wasn't playing ball, he would answer me and was completely out of it. I went down the stairs to get his drink and decided that I would need a straw as there was no way he was going to be able to drink out of a cup. I got his juice and went back upstairs and again tried to wake him. I shook him a couple of times, I called his name getting louder with each time. I got no response, I grabbed his wrists to pull him to sitting, and again called him and told him that his sugar was low and he needed to drink. This time he did try and answer me but was flinging his arms around trying to push me away. I managed to get him on my lap and put my arm around him to stop him fighting me but every time I tried to get him to drink he turned his head away and was telling me no!!
I eventually managed to get the drink down him and I laid him back down. I rechecked 15 mins later, his levels were rising but it was not a number that I was happy with so I checked again after another 15mins.
Looking back I should have treated him with the gel as he wasn't really responsive enough to take the drink, and this would have been classed as a moderate to severe hypo, but as he had been that low before I didn't see it has one. What it has shown me is no two hypos are the same, and cant be distinguished by a number. I remember asking at diagnosis 'what number is classed as a severe hypo?' and being told that they are different for everyone.
What this has also shown me is that it is so important for me to test before I go to bed. I dread to think what would have happened if I hadn't.
Monday 3 September 2012
Returning to school.
The new school year starts tomorrow, and usually I am not to phased by this event. School are fantastic when it comes to Samuels care, they have been doing it almost as long as I have. The staff know what to look out for, how to trat him and are aware of the tricks that he has pulled in the past. In fact school is the one place that I don't worry about.
However, it is 6:30 in the morning, (at least it was when I started to write this blog!) and I am sitting with the new care plan layed out in front of me, a list of things that I still need to do and feeling totally unprepared and I don't like it.
Samuel left for the school holidays on injections and is returning on a pump. This makes me nervous! School, as usual have been amazing with two members of staff attending pump school with us, taking time out of their holiday to travel to London for the day. They are also sending another two members up to the UCLH training session for schools. They have done as much as they could have done and for that I will always be grateful. But, for me, I feel like we are starting again, that we are back to when he was first diagnosed and worried about his first day in reception. Samuel on the other hand couldn't care less!!
Fast forward to now (10:30 pm) and things are so much better!! I e mailed school this morning to tell them my concerns, and I was told that if I wanted to pop into school to go through the care plan then I could. I spent an hour and a half with Lucy going through the care plan, with her making notes of additional things to tell his teachers. We also talked about the concerns that I had, what the plans were for lunchtime and PE, and I came away much happier.
Becky, the nurse from UCLH called and we have programmed the pump with different basel rates for school days, as the children tend to need less insulin when they are at school. I have sorted out the hypo box for the classroom, the box for the medical room and the insulins for the fridge.
So, we are set for the new school year!! I just have the small matter of getting four children up nice and early tomorrow and in their school uniforms! Wish me luck!!
However, it is 6:30 in the morning, (at least it was when I started to write this blog!) and I am sitting with the new care plan layed out in front of me, a list of things that I still need to do and feeling totally unprepared and I don't like it.
Samuel left for the school holidays on injections and is returning on a pump. This makes me nervous! School, as usual have been amazing with two members of staff attending pump school with us, taking time out of their holiday to travel to London for the day. They are also sending another two members up to the UCLH training session for schools. They have done as much as they could have done and for that I will always be grateful. But, for me, I feel like we are starting again, that we are back to when he was first diagnosed and worried about his first day in reception. Samuel on the other hand couldn't care less!!
Fast forward to now (10:30 pm) and things are so much better!! I e mailed school this morning to tell them my concerns, and I was told that if I wanted to pop into school to go through the care plan then I could. I spent an hour and a half with Lucy going through the care plan, with her making notes of additional things to tell his teachers. We also talked about the concerns that I had, what the plans were for lunchtime and PE, and I came away much happier.
Becky, the nurse from UCLH called and we have programmed the pump with different basel rates for school days, as the children tend to need less insulin when they are at school. I have sorted out the hypo box for the classroom, the box for the medical room and the insulins for the fridge.
So, we are set for the new school year!! I just have the small matter of getting four children up nice and early tomorrow and in their school uniforms! Wish me luck!!
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